There are obviously all kinds of different relationships!  Parent and child, brother and sister, friends, class-mates, uni-friends, work colleagues, employer and employee.  The list is endless!  This page deals with the one that features a lot in teenage life – the boyfriend/girlfriend variety!  You know, the one that can cause so much agro and turmoil!  Although there is also some information on being gay, so if that’s where you are at, don’t worry, just read on – cos lots of this sheet will be helpful for you, too!

Asking someone out!
So, we really like that person we see at school every day?  We think they may like us!  What do we do?  Do we wait for them to ask us out?  Are we shy?  Scared they will say no?  Scared they will laugh?  What do we do?!  Aargghhh!  What a decision to make!  Well, there are no rules!  We can try to find out if they feel the same way about us.  Try to be friends with them and see how it goes?  Or, just ask them out!

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Dating
When we ‘date’ someone it simply means that we spend extra time with that person, discovering things about each other.  There is no compulsion to be with that person forever!  We will want to find out if you get on, if you like that person.  However, we should always bear in mind the other person’s feeling, especially if we don’t really want things to continue.

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Breaking Up
‘Breaking Up’ with someone is really difficult, even if we have only been going out with someone for a short time.  But we should try to consider how the other person feels, too, and be sensitive to their feelings and emotions.  There are times when we break up  that the other person talks about us to their friends.  This isn’t fair and it can be really upsetting.

We may end the relationship on good terms and still manage to be friends afterwards.  Or there may be some time when things are difficult and awkward.  This may get better over time.  In whatever way we have broken up and however we feel, it is always good to talk to someone!

Some people, even our parents, may not understand how we feel.  They may think that we are too young to have real feelings.  But remember our feelings are real, and it’s not silly to be sad or upset when we fall out with someone or break up.

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Having a crush on someone
Sometimes, we may ‘have a crush’ on someone!  This means we may think about that person all the time!  If the other person feels the same way, it may develop into some kind of relationship or friendship.  On other occasions, nothing may happen!  We may even start thinking about somebody else, or discover that the person we liked wasn’t everything we imagined them to be!  When we are young we may think we like someone who is older than us so much that we confuse it with love.  Or we say we have a crush on them and we want to be closer to them than is morally right. 

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The Law
The Law is there for a reason.  It’s not there to stop us enjoying themselves.  It is there to protect us and help create a good and just society.  The Age of Consent is there to help us act responsibly and not to rush into anything too soon.  The age of consent is 16 years.  Relationships between those who are under 16 years of age and older adults are a definite ‘no-go’ area.  It is wrong for both people.  It is also illegal.  The law also states that it is illegal for a boy under 18 yrs of age to have sex with someone over 18yrs of age if that person is in a position of trust.

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Emotions
When we are teenagers we have to deal with a lot of new and sometimes strange feelings.  Often these are caused by our hormones!  They affect our moods and are certainly responsible for all the body changes that are experienced in growing up.  It’s good to be aware of these feelings and how they affect day to day behaviour.

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Sex
The big topic!  Sex!  There will come a time when we may feel as if we want our relationship to get more…well…physical!  But…wait a minute!  Don’t just rush into it!   Here are some things we should think about!  Are we feeling pressurised into it?  (This could be pressure from the other person, or it could be pressure from our friends or from the values of society).  Does the other person want the same thing?  Is it the right time?  Are we old enough?  How will we feel afterwards?  What are the consequences?  How will it change the way we feel towards each other?

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Safe Sex
Whether or not we feel we are ready for sex it is important to know what precautions we should take should it happen  -  and it may be wise to think about having things such as condoms long before we actually find ourselves in a situation where we will need them. It’s easy to get carried away with the moment…only to regret it later.   So, we should think about what we really want to do beforehand - and stick to it – and not feel under any pressure to change our mind.  Safe Sex means that when we have sex we take precautions against unwanted pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs).  An example of safe sex is using a condom.

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Inappropriate Relationships
There are some relationships that are really not on!  For instance, if we are young and getting attention from an adult then we really should talk to someone.  We may feel under pressure to respond to them, or ‘give in’ to them.  We should talk to someone we trust and tell them what is happening.

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Being Promiscuous
Sex is a gift from God – and, when valued and used properly, it is good!  There is no doubt about that.  But having lots of sex with lots of different people is wrong, because God gave us sex to share in a special relationship with someone we love and value very much.  Meeting someone for a one-night stand is not love.  Love is about commitment.  Learning about when to have sex –and who with – can lead to trying different things, and at first people may get a buzz from this – even from having sex with lots of different people.  But promiscuity is not part of God’s plan for Christians and it can make people very unhappy after a while.  Promiscuity also increases the risk of getting a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI), and it does nothing for our reputation.  Others soon realize that someone is promiscuous – and then they talk about that person in a not so nice way.

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Marriage
Fewer people choose to get married these days.  They may decide just to live together.  Also, it’s likely that many people won’t have one partner for the whole of their lives.  The Church values marriage and encourages people to commit to one another in a relationship that lasts for the whole of their lives.  Marriage can provide great stability and is a great building block for a good society.   When we get married it’s as if two people become one.  Sometimes, married couples have problems and they may separate and divorce.  This is obviously a difficult and upsetting time for all involved.

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Being Single
Some people, for many different reasons, remain single.  There is nothing strange or abnormal about being single!  Some people actually like being single, you know, and have decided to take this route in life.  But there may be other reasons, too!  Some people just don’t just find the ‘right’ person for them.

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Being Gay
These days gay couples can enter, by law, into a Civil Partnership where they are given the same legal rights of married couples.  A Civil Partnership isn’t marriage, but it does encourage people who are gay to enter into a stable and, hopefully, a life long relationship.

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I think I'm gay
Christians have a variety of opinions about homosexuality.  There are two extremes:

• They disagree with it entirely and think it is a sin.
• Or, sexuality is God given and to be gay is ok!

Those on both sides of the argument use Scripture to justify their argument, so you can see how complicated it can be sometimes!

It never helps to pretend to be someone we are not.  It may be helpful to talk to someone who understands, especially to someone else who is in the same position as us. It’s not important to tell everyone that we’re gay or lesbian.  It’s our business!  It’s up to us to decide who and when to tell.  (Telling people we are gay is often called ‘Coming Out’).  If we’re gay, we may feel as if we’re different from anyone else.  If people tease us  or call us names remember that this is bullying – and we should talk to someone who can help, like a teacher, youth worker, priest or other responsible adult we trust.

Many people experience homosexual feelings when they are growing up – but that doesn’t mean they are gay.  It’s quite natural to have these feelings and it may be that we will carry on through life being attracted to the opposite sex.

We discover our sexuality at different times in our life.  Some people will know and accept that they are gay at a young age.   For others, the journey is a bit longer and they may only be able to accept who they are when they are well into adulthood.  Whatever we are – we should learn to accept people for who they are – and not expect them to conform to us!

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I think I'm bisexual
Some people are attracted to people of both sexes.  This is called being bisexual.  Quite often people who have ‘bisexual feelings’ can be misunderstood by both gay and straight people.  There can be a lot of pressures on people who are bisexual.  For instance, if they choose to get married, they may still have attractions towards people of the same sex, and this can cause a great deal of frustration.  It may be made even worse by the fact that they can’t talk about their situation to anyone.  Again, finding someone you can trust to talk about things is a great help.

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Obviously, we can't cover everything about relationships here but, hopefully, the information here will give you some help to understand how you may be feeling about things.  It’s only a guide to try to work through some important moments in your life.  Remember, not to be afraid to talk to others about how you feel.

Some Helpful Links:

Get Connected
0808 808 4994
www.getconnected.org.uk
Free telephone and e mail helpline for young people

There4me
www.there4me.com
Online advice and support for 12 –16 yr olds

Sexwise is a free and confidential helpline on sex, relationships and contraception for young people in the UK.
0800 282930
7am to 12 midnight daily

EACH (Educational Action Challenging Homophobia)
A dedicated freephone helpline for any young person affected by homophobia.
0808 1000 14
email help@eachaction.org.uk.
020 7837 7324
www.llgs.org.uk

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