Ok, so our families may get on our nerves sometimes and there may be times when we hate being at home! But most of us, most of the time, are lucky to have parents that care for us - and each other – and life at home isn’t so bad! Yes, there will be occasions when our parents argue about all sorts of things – and this will be upsetting for young people, too. However, a large number of young people experience a home life that’s not so happy at all. Perhaps their parents are arguing all the time, or their father is violent towards their mother or treats them in a way that just isn’t fair.

This page deals with a kind of abuse or violence called Domestic Abuse. The information here may help you to understand what is happening and to know where to get help.

It may also help you to understand what is happening if a friend is having these kind of problems at home.

What is ‘Domestic Abuse’?
First things first. What exactly is Domestic Abuse? Well, Domestic Abuse is the kind of abuse or violence that happens in the home or between family members. It is when an adult attacks or threatens another adult. In most cases, the violence is carried out by a man against a woman, though not always. It can happen in any kind of family and any kind of home. Children and young people are obviously affected by what is happening at home.

Domestic Violence can mean lots of different things:

Physical violence – it can be kicking, slapping, punching, pushing.

Emotional abuse – putting someone down all the time, with unkind comments, or making them feel bad about themselves.

Controlling behaviour – like not letting them spend money, keeping them from seeing their friends or family, not letting them have a job, and so on.

Sexual abuse – forcing someone to take part in sexual behaviour against their will

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Some Facts about Domestic Abuse
So that you can get some idea about the scale of Domestic Abuse let’s look at a few facts.

• Domestic Abuse accounts for nearly a quarter of all recorded violent crimes in the UK.
• In England and Wales once incident of domestic violence is reported to the police every minute.
• 70% of domestic abuse victims are women.
• On average a woman is assaulted thirty five times before seeking help.
• One in ten women is severely beaten by her partner at some point in her life.
• 25% of attacks occur while a woman is pregnant.
• Domestic abuse tends to be under reported.
• One in five child abuse cases dealt with by the NSPCC involves domestic abuse.
• In nine out of ten cases, children or young people are present in the home while abuse is going on.
• In about half the cases there is abuse to children/young people too.
• It is estimated that as many as 150,000 children/young people are affected by domestic abuse in Wales at any one time.

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How Does it Affect Young People?
If there is physical violence at home you could be in danger of being hurt yourself. Sometimes, children and young people may get injured by accident when they try to help the person being attacked.

Hearing your parents fighting can be extremely upsetting. Sometimes, parents will pretend to their children that nothing is going on and this can make you feel worse. You may be forced to take sides and choose between your parents, and this isn’t fair. Seeing one of your parents hurt is a terrible thing to experience.

You may feel like it’s your fault. It can make you feel insecure, or lack self confidence. Remember, it’s not your fault when these things happen. No one should feel unsafe or threatened.

Some children and young people may even copy the violence and bully or hurt others.

You may feel embarrassed about what is happening and find it difficult to talk to anyone. You may want to keep it a secret. In fact, your parents may encourage this.

Life can be confusing for you. You may never know what to expect when you go home or when, for instance, one of your parents comes home. You will probably still love the person who is being violent and that will make things even more confusing for you.

You may not know what to say or do. Perhaps you will be afraid that, if you report what’s happening, your parents will split up.

It can cause stress and unhappiness, affecting your school-work and exams. You may find it difficult to sleep.

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What Can I Do About It?
If there is domestic abuse happening in your home then there are some things you can do:

First of all, keep yourself safe. Find a safe place, such as your bedroom, where you can hide until the violence is over.
Only help the person who is being hurt when it’s safe to do so. Otherwise you could get hurt yourself, even if by accident.
Talk to someone you trust, such as a teacher, a friend, a youth leader, priest about what’s happening at home. You can also phone Childline. It often makes us feel better to talk things through with someone. It can make us feel less lonely and give us confidence to find help.
Call the police on 999
Try to get the person who is being hurt to contact someone who can help. There are numbers at the bottom of this page.

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What Will Happen If I Report It?
There is a lot of help and support for people who experience domestic abuse. The important thing is to deal with the problem. The Police have greater powers now, and take Domestic Violence seriously. Perhaps, the person in your family who is receiving the abuse needs some encouragement to seek help. It could be that you will leave the home for a while and live somewhere safe. Or the person who is being violent can be forced by the police to move out. Some families have help from social services. What is almost certain, though, is that if nothing is done the abuse will continue, and things won’t get any better.

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The Law
Domestic Violence is a crime and victims are protected by the law.

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The Church
Family Life is important to the church, and marriage is a great thing when it works. But there are times when marriages and relationships break down, and people need help. Jesus taught us to love one another and treat other people with respect, and no one should have to experience abuse in any way.

Jesus called us his friends and wants us to get the most out of life. There are lots of people you can talk to who can help when there are problems at home. Don’t feel as if you are letting your family down by talking about your feelings.

Marriage – or even when two people live together – is an equal partnership, and the family is supposed to be a safe and secure place for children to grow up. In an ideal world, there would be trust and respect, openness and honesty, and everyone would be treated fairly. However, as we know, this doesn’t always happen. Human beings are not perfect and sometimes we act in ways that are not so nice. God recognized this in sending us Jesus, to show us how to live. He wants us to help to make the world a better place for everyone.

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So, talk to someone and get some help and advice – and if you, or a friend, are experiencing a home life that is upsetting or violent then try do something about it and life can change for the better.

More Information and Advice:
Childline 0800 1111
Children and young people can call Childline: all calls are free of charge, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Get Connected 0808 808 4994
www.getconnected.org.uk
Free telephone and e mail helpline for young people

There4me
www.there4me.com
Online advice and support for 12 –16 yr olds

Police: In an emergency call 999

Welsh Women’s Aid 029 20390874

National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 8010 800

NSPCC have a Child protection helpline for anyone who is concerned about the safety of a child: 0808 800 5000
www.nspcc.org.uk

The BBC also website has lots of information.
Check out for their section on domestic abuse.

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